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Member since 09/22/2011
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Current net worth : 11,971.43 KtN$
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Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Conceptâ€ Changing the conventional way of thinking.
When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"
This is called "Being Professionalâ€ Focus only on what you are trained to do!
When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got."
The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"
This is called "Experience.â€ Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!
After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bankâ€.
This is called "Swim with the tide.â€ Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!
The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."
This is called "Killing Boredom.â€ Personal Happiness is more important than your job.
The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"
This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"
The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.
This is called "Seizing the opportunity.â€ Daring to take risks!
So who are the real robbers here?
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldnâ€™t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 75 yards away.
He threw another hand-grenade 50 yards away, right into a chimney.
Then he threw another, hitting at a passing car going 80 mph.
â€œIâ€™ve got to get this guy!â€ Coach said to himself. â€œHe has the perfect arm!â€
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
â€œMom,â€ he says into the phone, â€œI just won the Super Bowl!â€
â€œI donâ€™t want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. â€œYou are not my son!â€
â€œI donâ€™t think you understand, Mother,â€ the young man pleads. â€œIâ€™ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. Iâ€™m here among thousands of my adoring fans.â€
â€œNo! Let me tell you!â€ his mother retorts. â€œAt this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesnâ€™t get molested!â€ The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,
â€œI will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
A wonderful funeral was in progress and the townâ€™s preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased,
what an honest man he was,
and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children,
â€œGo up there and take a look in the coffin and see if thatâ€™s your pa.â€
He wrote: â€œI would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?â€
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, â€œIâ€™ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, Iâ€™ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
Iâ€™ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And Iâ€™ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you re welcome to stay here, too.â€
I guess it was because of my response to the line, which said: â€œList All Dependentsâ€â€¦
I replied, 12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads, 42 million unemployable people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons, and 535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.
Apparently, this was NOT acceptable.
So I sent it back with a question â€œDid I forget someone?
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this f*****g badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your f*****g BADGE........ ! !"
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus station, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops â€“ a few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on, six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, â€œBig John doesnâ€™t pay!â€ and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five foot three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didnâ€™t argue with Big John, but he wasnâ€™t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened â€“ Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer and so he signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; whatâ€™s more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, â€œBig John doesnâ€™t pay!â€ The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger and screamed, â€œAnd why not???!!!â€
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, â€œ Because Big John has a bus pass.â€
MORAL / LESSON:
The moral of this incident/story is quite self evident. However, it is a lesson that many of us seem to overlook and disregard in the many activities and chores of our life.
We learn from this incident that a person should not be hasty in making assumptions and judging a situation or an individual from what seems to be the apparent.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. However, their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
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